It sucks when your mother doesn’t like you.

So, for almost a month now my mother has not liked me. She tells me she loves me, then I say, “but you don’t like me” then she says, “well… true”.

It all happened on a Wednesday. I had been driving her to her appointments at Kirklin Clinic. That’s no big deal, we work together downtown and I just drive her car drop her off then drive back to work. Total time away from work = not even ten min. But, this one particular day she needed someone to drive her to Crown Royal in Vestavia so she can pick up her car. Now, I teach about two seconds away from Crown and on Wednesdays I teach at 5:30. My mother called asking for a ride. I told her I’m leaving at 5 to go teach you can get a ride with me when I go. She then tells me that she has a class at 5:30, so, that won’t work. Then, she asks if I can just take her now. I say It doesn’t make sense for me to drive 20 min there and 20 min back then just have to leave again, getting stuck in traffic. She then tells me that I’m not doing anything right now and I have the time. All the while I’m thinking, yes, I’m not busy now but I’m still at my job. Yes, you are my mother and we work together and it’s convenient for you, but it’s not for me. She finally gets mad and tells me she will ask my father to come pick her up. She’s mad. End Wednesday.

Thursday I get an email titled inconvenience. In the email she tells me… “Yes, I am angry that you are not willing to help me out with my car situation today. I called dad and he was in the middle of getting his own car serviced and could not come and get me. I called the shop and after waiting on hold for 10 minutes then getting transferred 3 times, they are sending a car to get me. This situation has left me frustrated and unhappy. In order to keep free of these frustrated feelings I will try to avoid asking for your assistance in the future.”

In the email, she was very formal. So, I sent a formal reply… “I am sorry that you were inconvenienced today. Right after I got off the phone with you the helpdesk called and I had to deal with them. I just hope you realize that you can ask for assistance in the future you just may not always get the answer you would like. This is true of anyone you would ask. I’m sure there will be times when I am turned down in asking assistance of you. However, if you choose not to ask assistance I will respect your decision. And, I too will not ask anything of you. It just seems fair. I understand your frustration and again I am sorry. “

This reply seemed to upset her even more. She also showed it to my father and my brother. They have also voiced their disappointment in me. My little sister, whom I know will love me no matter what, told me that my mother thinks I had help from my boss in writing the reply. Now, that offends me. Am I not allowed to sound smart?

Two weeks later, after she hadn’t replied to my apologies, I went to her and asked if she was still mad. She gave me very short answers and, finally told me that she has to work on keeping work and home separate. So now, she only speaks to me if it’s related to work. She doesn’t act like I’m her daughter; we don’t go to lunch anymore, and I can tell she is still mad.

I’ve told her when she’s ready to like me again that I’m here. It’s getting old. But she can hold a grudge like no one I’ve ever seen. I’m just glad I don’t live at home with them. I couldn’t bear having to come home to a hostile environment.

I’ve told her I’m sorry that I’m sorry I inconvenienced her, I’ve told her I’m sorry I hurt her feelings with the email, and I’ve given a general apology to cover anything I missed in translation. Am I forgiven? No. But she has accepted my apology. Do I miss her? Yes. But she won’t come around anytime soon.